Would You Like a Statin With That Burger?

It's Friday the 13th—must be Fast Food Statins Day! This story is presented under the 'You Can't Make This Stuff Up' category.

by Heidi Stevenson

13 August 2010

It's Friday the 13^th, so how could how could you make your luck worse than by eating a fast food burger? Why not take a statin with it, too? That's exactly what researchers are suggesting in a study published by the American Journal of Cardiology. They suggest that statins should be offered in complimentary packets with burgers. Honest! You couldn't make that sort of thing up.

Statins, which do not prevent heart disease, are presumed by the study's authors to be highly effective at reducing the risk of heart attack. Apparently, Hitler's method of telling the biggest lie as often as possible has become a primary tool of medical pseudo-science.

Starting from that fallacious assumption, the authors of "Can a Statin Neutralize the Cardiovascular Risk of Unhealthy Dietary Choices?" answer their title's question in the affirmative, stating:

The risk reduction associated with the daily consumption of most statins, with the exception of pravastatin, is more powerful than the risk increase caused by the daily extra fat intake associated with a 7-oz hamburger (Quarter Pounder®) with cheese and a small milkshake.

They compare eating fast food with motorcycling, smoking, and driving, because people are urged to minimize their risks by using safety equipment, filters, and seatbelts. Statins are equated with motorcycle helmets! This is their logic for giving away statins like condiments with fast foods. One of the authors, Dr. Darrell Francis, stated:

It's ironic that people are free to take as many unhealthy condiments in fast food outlets as they like, but statins, which are beneficial to heart health, have to be prescribed.

Not only are the statins being pushed by these pseudo-scientists ineffective, they come with significant risks, including the well-known rhabdomyolisis, a muscle-wasting and painful disease. Other risks include headaches, fatigue, liver damage and failure, epidermal necrolysis (potentially fatal skin death), urinary tract infections, arthritis, cataracts, dizziness, and a raft of other dangers.

Just how do the researchers envision the distribution of these deadly and useless pills? In complimentary packets, of course—just like mustard and ketchup.

Ketchup or statin with those fries, sir?

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